College Essay Writing Tips: Tell Me, Without Telling Me

I’m typically a words gal, but let’s talk numbers for a minute.

NACAC (National Association for College Admission Counseling) has been putting out their State of College Admissions report for two decades, which measures (as the name would suggest!) trends in college admissions. Their most recent report, which collected data from 185 member colleges, shares factors in decisions for the fall 2023 admissions cycle. It’s pretty interesting stuff.

It should come as no surprise that grades and course rigor were most important (with 93% and 86.5% of colleges, respectively, saying that they were of considerable or moderate importance.) But third on the list, at 65.8%, were positive character attributes. (We’ll talk about what those attributes are in just a second!) The essay came next, at 56.2%. Extracurriculars, while still pretty important (50.8%), trailed behind student interest, counselor and teacher recommendations. Oh, and SAT/ACT scores? 30.3%.

So, wait a minute. The thing that colleges are most interested in, beyond grades and course rigor, are … what, exactly? Traits that can’t be measured or identified? Students have transcripts that show the classes they took and how well they performed. They submit writing samples and letters of recommendations. And if they choose, they send test scores. But positive character attributes? What are they, and how do you “prove” you have them? 

What admissions officers say is that these attributes are intangible qualities – empathy, doggedness, curiosity, and humility, to name a few – that appear in a variety of ways. They can be articulated in a teacher’s recommendation, or come through in the types of activities a student has been involved in. And for sure, they are expressed in the essay(s).

But here’s the rub: how do you express these qualities in your essay without saying them outright? How do you say something implicitly, not explicitly?

Practically every language arts teacher has said to their students, “Show, don’t tell.” Good writing communicates values, emotions or character traits indirectly, through a particular detail or anecdote.

In other words, tell me, without telling me.

This is important – not just because it will make for a far more interesting and personal essay, but because you don’t want to come off as braggadocious. (That’s a big word! You could also say “jerky,” “smarmy,” “inauthentic,” “full of yourself” … you get the picture.)

I encourage my students to imagine meeting their roommate for the first time. You’re sitting up into the wee hours of the night, sharing stories. Maybe the topic of your essay will be a part of that conversation … not because you’re sharing what you each wrote about, but because – ideally – what you wrote about is germane to who you are, or of particular interest, and so the subject matter would naturally enter into a conversation with someone you are getting to know.

In this chit chat, or any face-to-face interaction, could you ever imagine saying, “... and this shows that I’m a leader!” (or empathetic, determined, inquisitive, etc)? I hope not! So don’t say it in your essay either. After all, the best personal statements are ones that feel like a conversation between one human being and another.

When my students polish the final draft of their essays and we read them aloud, listening for any hiccups we may have missed, I will tell them what their essay communicates to me (and what I think it will communicate to the admissions officer). I use words like “empathetic,” “curious,” “persevering,” or “wise,” because those are the positive character attributes that shine through. 

But chances are, you won’t ever see those actual words in the essay itself.